My Legacy

Perhaps all this will come to nothing. Perhaps it will be read by future school-children. Perhaps it will lie buried like a seashell in the ocean beds. One wonders what happens to the countless musings of humanity, not only blogs such as this one, but the thousands of diaries, scribbled notes of paper, or even the thoughts flitting across minds throughout the world, throughout history, all through time.

This may all be seen as one man's attempt to find profundity in a world that ultimately confused him. Perhaps, sadly, his attempts to find an authentic voice were too often overlaid with a pretentious assumption of knowledge, when really he was just beginning to learn.

The very fact that some part of me wants to be noticed, cries out for attention in a vain manner is suspect as to my ultimate profundity. Would a truly profound man, a truly deep artist really care whether or not other praised him. Emotionally, perhaps- we all have needs- but ultimately? Would he value his works according to others opinions? Perhaps no man is an island and indeed he would. Yet here is my quest.

I want to rise above the tide, to a higher level, like a pyramid bursting into azure skies. I wish to overtake conventional evolution and reach beyond- I wish to shine in the skies of eternity. I pledge my allegiance to God, yet as an individual I must take responsibility for my own growth- the divine spark within me hopefully thereby expressing itself. I aim for the stars, for the lights that stretch to eternity. I want to live forever, not as an organic body, but as a dream, as a profound expression of this great life-tide that swells all around us all.

Yet, I fear that I am just an ambitious, longing creature, so small as compared to the angels I admire, whose hearts are so devoted to others. So simplistic compared to the great ancestors and space-dwellers that visit us from time to time just to see how we are doing. A mere triangle, an amusing little expression of life, bumping up against my fishbowl glass, wondering what lies in the blurry world beyond it. Like little Nemo's friends in the dentist's office, wanting to break free to a world I can perhaps hardly breath in.

What right have I, a mere creature, to wish to live beyond the limits given to me, wishing to learn things I am clearly not ready for. I search for mysteries, yet the more imminent mysteries escape me. Where is the daily happiness, the contentment in the here and now?

A saint's devotion to serving God is the true profundity- even if he never writes a word and everything he says is lost forever, just a memory of hid kind acts remaining. Yet an artist also reflects God's glory, for as a creator, he aids God in the very creation of the universe, unveiling the divine mysteries to others.

Thus lies my faith- that my audience will find me even if I can't find it. That my messages of inspiration will find ears, if not around me, if not near me, then in distant climbs, in other times, past or present, in other places, on other dimensions, in other worlds, flying through space of missions of mercy, traveling the endless streams of time... a multi-dimensional existence, expressing itself endlessly.

So my faith is that all has a meaning and no good intention is ever lost without trace... that the Akashic record will indeed show all those who love, all those who care and reward the worthy, whether it be with heavens or glories, or just with a good result to bring a smile to whatever lips they may possess. Please God, let me glorify you and your name in my every action, my every breath, let me not be confused or led astray by the deceits of the heart, by the confused voices of the lost. Please let me not be misunderstood, labeled insane for discussing subjects that others find too strange and otherworldly, please set me free from any trap in this dimension, with all it's seeming limitations. Please let me always have understanding friends and a secure environment. Help me to realise my desire to love you in every moment and every situation, to follow my highest values all the time... in every moment to fully love you, you in those around me. To live by your eternal law of love,

Amen.